Drug Ataxia
by kooritenshi
Summary: Seifer is stuck with Quisty for the whole summer, no thanks to Cid. She gets her hands on Prozac. And Alka Seltzer. What is Seifer supposed to do with the Selphie-clone that he accidentally created?
1. Prozac Quisty

**Drug Ataxia **

**Chapter One: Prozac Frenzy **

  
"C'mon Quisty!" Seifer pleaded. The two of them were off on vacation. Headmaster Cid had decided to, as a reward for all the SeeD's hard work, let them all go on vacation. As his best hopes were to have all the SeeDs with their 'soulmates'--what he thought was their best match--he chose the pairing. Squall and Rinoa were easy. The two lovebirds would probably have "Lovebird" stamped on each of their foreheads soon. It was only a matter of time.   
Selphie and Irvine were like Squall and Rinoa--somewhat less dramatic though. Zell and Aimee, the pigtail library girl, whatever you call her, had been paired up. Seifer, being the only one left, was coupled with Quistis, much to her disgust. Squall and Rinoa had, after careful planning, agreed on a beach far from Balamb. Selphie and Irvine decided on a mountain hideaway by a large lake. Zell and Aimee stayed right at Balamb since Zell loved the hot dogs and Aimee didn't want to leave her beloved library and books behind. Cid suggested a beach resort on an island to Seifer and Quistis, as neither of them were saying anything. They, very reluctantly agreed.   
The villa the two of them were living in was spacious, though it had only one bedroom. The kitchen was huge, complete with a large oven, two sinks, a microwave, dishwasher, and tons of cupboards. Quistis politely, but very firmly urged Seifer out to the white leather sofa in the living room. Within two hours, the whole bedroom she had claimed had been transformed into an overly neat, color-coordinated, tidied enclosure, with all of Quistis' possessions carefully packed into their rightful places. The dishes were gleaming white, catching the sunlight. The carpets had all been vacuumed and the whole villa was doused in a faint lemony smell. Done with everything she could think of to clean the villa, Quistis, watched Seifer mimick what she had said, a faint smile on her face.   
"Please get out of my room." Seifer smiled widely, blinking rapidly and deliberately. "This is MY room. You can stay in the living room." He kicked his bag disgustedly and slowly began unpacking. His muttering was drenched in a snobbish tone of voice.   
After a few hours, he had cooled off and was patiently trying to convince Quistis to take Prozac, an anti-depressant. "Please? Cid told me to make you take it! He said you were too snobby and prissy." He lied. "And behind all that, you're stressed, upset and frustrated! But then, personally, I don't see why I have to make you eat it. Prozac ain't no cure for a snobby, prissy, conceited, vain, selfish, rich, boring, smarty--"   
"SHUT UP!!!!" Quistis screeched, cutting him off short. The steam--or was it smoke?--pouring from her ears was quite disturbing, he found. It shrouded the air, making him choke.   
*I always thought that was a figure of speech..* "Just eat it, ok?" Seifer replied, losing patience. He pressed the pill to her lips. "You are depressed! Your stress level's disappeared from the measuring scale."   
"Then leave me alone and let me destroy it."   
"You can't destroy it when you're alone. You add more to it." Seifer smirked. His teasing look subsiding, he held out his hand. "Come on outside."   
The blonde took it, hesitantly. "Fine."   
The glittering cerulean ocean water lapped onto the sandy shore. Forest green palm trees swayed in the gentle breeze, creating a soothing sound. She breathed in deeply, smelling the ocean surf, the salt, sand, and trees.   
"Close your eyes." Seifer whispered into her ear softly.   
Her cornflower blue eyes closed, a tiny smile curved on her normally dejected face. "It's pretty..." she sighed, slowly, finally relaxing.   
"Lie down." His arms guided her down to the sand; his actions were rewarded with a real smile. Grinning, he lowered his head closer to her. Closer, closer, til their foreheads were nearly touching.   
*Is he going to kiss me?* she wondered vaguely.   
A pill dropped into her mouth. Choking, she swallowed the Prozac pill. "What the hell, Seifer!!! I'm gonna kill ya!! Teeheeheeheeheeheehee!!!" She giggled maniacally.   
A bead of sweat rolled down the back of Seifer's head. *Omigosh! I've done it now! How could I do this?! I've created...a...a...Selphie!!! The horror!!! AhhhHH!!!* He stared at Quistis, who was dancing around on the beach, talking to the sun.   
"Dance with me! Dancine with me!" Quistis playfully snickered, her arms outstretched.   
*Why did I ever give her that pill? Shit, what am I supposed to do????* Seifer glumly questioned himself, not noticing Quistis advancing toward him.   
The series of thoughts was interrupted as he was suddenly twirled around by Quistis.   
"Who wants ta take pictuas of Seifa dancin?" Quistis laughed gleefully. "Why won't ya dance with meeeeee?!" She skipped around him, like the Earth orbitting the sun, complete with the rotating and spinning the Earth did. The hyperactive girl waved Seifer's arms up and down, making them flap like a bird's wings.   
He grabbed her shoulders. "Calm down!" When he noticed what Quistis looked like, his vision was dazed. Quistis' eyes were glazed over. He could distinctly see the ends of her golden tresses curling upward. "Nooooooooo!!!"   
"Don't ya like whatcha see?" Quistis asked innocently.   
*This is the last time I'm ever giving her Prozac again. How long will I have to put up with this?* His thoughts were agains interrupted, this time by the sound of a shaking canister. *Oh no, she's gone suicidal! An aspirin OD or somethin!* Alarm bells rung in Seifer's head. He stared at the jovial Quistis, hoping he'd just gone delusional. *Please don't let that be what I think it is...* Quistis was downing the entire contents of the bottle that once held Prozac pills. He flung himself forward, knocking her over. The bottle rolled off and trailed to a stop in the sand. Seifer's hand swiped at it and shook it.   
It was empty. Author's Note: I can hear you gasp. =Þ   
Quistis lay in the sand, bottle in hand. Author's Note: It rhymes! I'm a poet! And I didn't know it! *crazy author shuts up*   
She looked similar to how she'd been before eating the her first Prozac pill. A pool of blonde hair rested around her, a relaxed, calm, serene expression. The only difference in the picture was, she was twitching.   
Seifer took no notice of this. "It's over!" He rejoiced, leaning over and hugging her tightly. A huge crazed smile crept to Quistis' lips, even bigger than the hypermaniacal grin she'd worn on the aftereffects of the first pill. Her closed eyes opened suddenly, with a dangerous glint in them.   
"Seifer.." Quistis said seriously, both glint and grin disappearing. "I need to tell you something." She looked at the floor, turning slightly red, but still smiling. "I LOVE YA I LOVE YA I LOVE YA!!!!!!!!!!!!"   
"AHHHHHH!!!!" His hopes of the Prozac having no effect dissolved.   
"B-but don't ya love me too?" Huge, watery, disappointed tears splooshed down her rosy cheeks. Her glazed-over, hopeful, starstruck expression in her chibi-lookinh eyes lost their joy.   
"Sure, sure, I love you too." Seifer answered quickly.   
A bubbly grin replaced the girly pout she'd worn a nanosecond before. "Yay! Seifee loves meeeeeeeeeeeee!!!"   
"..." Another sweatdrop.   
She rushed toward Seifer at full speed. He backed away quickly, but not quickly enough.   
*This is a great day. I get to be crushed roadkill. Damnit, when will that stuff run ou--*   
***GLOMP!***   
"I wuv Seifee, Seifee wuvs meee!" The girl yelled jubilantly.   
"Uh...right!" Seifer agreed, inwardly thinking *Wish she'd think that even without Pro--what the hell am I thinking? She's too good for me..*   
"Whatcha thinking abouutt?" Quistis drawled, sounding drunk.   
"Nothing, nothing..." 

~7 days later~ 

  
The sound of splintering wood could be heard by the shore. Furious cracks of a whip lashed out onto the scraps of wood that were left, remainders of what used to be a large woodpile for a bonfire. Seifer watched guiltily from a safe distance.   
"I already said I was sorr--"   
"I told you I never took drugs!! Why don't you ever listen to me?!" Quistis yelled furiously.   
"Look, I didn't know it would make you that mad."   
"I never take drugs! Only herbal medicine! Nothing else!!!"   
"Same difference." Seifer muttered.   
"What did you say?" Her eyes flared dangerously.   
"Isn't herbal medicine the same as drugs?"   
"No! There's a difference! Of course there is!"   
"Like what?"   
"........there's a difference, alright?!"   
"Right. And you take marijuana too, don't you? That's a plant!"   
Quistis blinked and paused for a second. "No I don't."   
"And you smoke too, and you use tobacco. That's a a drug!"   
"No!" Quistis shook her head defiantly. "No I don't!   
He sighed. "I'm sorry, ok? I just wanted to see what would happen if you were actually happy for once."   
"Is it that obvious?"   
"To me, it is."   
She thought of something else. "You're lucky that...that drug lasted exactly a week. We're supposed to meet Selphie tomorrow. I packed a week in advance, which would be the day we came here. You should have too."   
"I never even heard about it." Seifer responded faintly. How was he supposed to survive another day of a crazy maniac after a whole week of slaving after an insane, hyperactive psycho?   
"What's wrong?" Quistis walked over and put a hand on his forehead. "You're not sick..but you're...slightly green."   
"It's nothing..."   
"And I'm curious to know what I said when I was on that Prozac thing. Why did it last a whole week anyway?"   
"Uh....you kinda...finished the whole bottle while you were marching around announcing stuff to the sun..."   
"Announcing what?" Quistis raised her eyebrows in a questioning way.   
"Nothing."   
"Answer me." Her eyes narrowed.   
"ThatyoulovedmeandIlovedyoutoo." Seifer said in a rush.   
"What?!"   
"Told you you wouldn't want to hear it.   
"I don't believe you."   
"I have the whole thing on tape. Hear it if you want." He held it up.   
~"I LOVE YA I LOVE YA I LOVE YA!!!!!!!!!!!!" "AHHHHHH!!!!" "B-but don't ya love me too???" *sniffle* "Sure, sure, I love you too." "Yay! Seifee loves meeeeeeeeeeeee!!!" "..." *GLOMP!* "I wuv Seifee, Seifee wuvs meee!"~   
"That." Quistis said after a long pause. "Is not me."   
"Sure it is." Seifer showed her a picture of Quistis dancing around in the middle of shouting something that seemed to resemble "Seifee".   
"Gimme that!" Quistis snatched at it.   
"Nah. I'll keep it. Blackmail." He grinned. Author's Note: i'm sorry...it's just kinda fun to write about ppl getting high off stuff like this ...next, it's gonna be my personal favorite...Alka Seltzer!!!! =D i got high off writing this Þ please R&R


	2. Alka Seltzer Binge

centerAlka Seltzer Binge/centerBR  
  
center~*~/center  
  
Seifer stared in disbelief at Quistis. "What?"BR  
  
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"You heard me the first time, didn't you? Guys are such bad listeners," She said, shaking her head tragically. "We are going to the new amusement park with Selphie. I thought you'd be happy about this? I'll finally *lighten up*!!! Isn't that what you wanted?"BR  
  
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"An amusement park?!" He groaned, his little bubble of hope bursting.BR  
  
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"What's wrong?" Quistis asked, mildly worried.BR  
  
Visions of Selphie flying around on a cloud yelling "BOOYAKA!!!!!!" and laughing--"Tee hee!" danced around in Seifer's head. More clouded his mind as he thought of how Quistis had acted when she had downed the Prozac pills. *What did I ever do to deserve this?* Seifer wondered. *Besides being a sorceress' knight.* He added as an afterthought. He took a pack of Alka Seltzer along with him and slipped it into a pocket of his trenchcoat, to relieve headaches. Or pain, since this involved spending an entire day with a couple of hypermaniacs.BR  
  
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"Seifer?"BR  
  
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"Huh? Wha..?"BR  
  
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"What's wrong?" She repeated, worry now slightly increased.BR  
  
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"Nothing, nothing at all."BR  
  
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"You always say that, but since you insist, come on, let's go get Selphie."BR  
  
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*...Why didn't I say I was sick?* "Ok." He answered, reluctantly, as if he was being dragged off to his doom--it was his doom, he thought gloomily. *I'll miss you, world...no, I won't.*BR  
  
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"Cheer up! We'll have lotsa fun!" Selphie shrieked, after taking a single look at Seifer's dejected face. "Comeon! Mr. Happy!!!" She poked him repeatedly.BR  
  
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*I will remain calm. I will remain calm. I will remain calm.* Seifer convinced himself, forcing a happy-face onto his face.BR  
  
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"LET'S GO!" Selphie screeched, dragging Quistis and Seifer after her in excitement.BR  
  
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*Thud. Thud. Thud.* "Can ya let me walk by myself?" Seifer asked, thudding along painfully.BR  
  
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*THONK.* "Tee hee! I'm sorry!" She let go of Seifer, letting him fall into a heap onto the rocky ground.BR  
  
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He picked himself up before Selphie could pounce on him and shout, "Get up! Hurry! While the sun's still shining!" In the process of getting up, a packet of Alka Seltzer dropped to the floor.BR  
  
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"Whazzat?" Selphie asked, inquisitively.BR  
  
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"Oh, nothing." Seifer said frantically, his eyes widening at his own stupidity, leaning over to scoop up the packet before the maniac, as he had inwardly named Selphie, found out what it was.BR  
  
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Selphie let out a war whoop. "ALKA SELTZER!!!!! YUM YUM YUM!!!!! LEMME HAVE SOME!!! SEIFIEWEEE!!! PWEASSEEEEEEE?!?!?!??!?!?!"BR  
  
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Passersby stared, wondering what the girl had experienced in the past to expedite such large quantities of lunacy. Did she regularly electrocute herself with electrical sockets? Or did she ingurgitate extensive amounts of sugar every day? Perhaps she simply got high off....air...life...water...nothing!BR  
  
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Seifer stared, contemplating the possibilities of giving her the Alka Seltzer verses keeping it. *I should have known better than to bring it...how could I have been so stupid?* He handed a tablet over, dejectlyBR.  
  
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Selphie swiped it and danced around. "I got Alka Seltzer!!!!" She cheered happily, popping the tablet into her mouth. Suddenly, she fell to the floor. BR  
  
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Quistis, who had been a far distance away, assuming they were walking with her, had run back to where Seifer stood, guilty. "What did you do to her?" She demanded, worriedly staring down at Selphie's lifeless figure.BR  
  
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"Gave her Alka Seltzer." He replied, pointing to the pack, trying to remain calm. Was that pack poisonous or something? Overdose of overly sugary things for Selphie? He leaned over. "Selphie...?"BR  
  
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*BONK!!!!*BR  
  
"Tee hee! Tee hee!" Selphie giggled, watching Seifer rub the sore spot where they'd knocked heads. "I'm fine! Don't worry about me!"BR  
  
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"You're sure you're ok?" Quistis asked, not convinced.BR  
  
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"Yahyahyahyahyah!!"BR  
  
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Quistis shook her head disapprovingly. "Why did you give it to her?"BR  
  
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"You know what would happen if I didn't, don't you?"BR  
  
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"Never mind." She decided instantly.BR  
  
center ~*~*~/centerBR  
  
Eight hours later, Seifer dragged himself up the front steps and flopped onto his sofa and, in a matter of two seconds, fell asleep. The day had been filled with a Selphie scampering around the entire park a total count of 16 times. Quistis, despite all efforts to keep her AWAY from the Alka Seltzer, had also eaten a tablet, and, as a result, turned into a Selphie-clone. BR  
  
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Seifer, pity him, had been literally hauled along everywhere the girls went. They had been kicked out of a grand total: 46 stores because other shoppers/window browsers/etc had been scared shitless and tore out screaming at the insanity of the two teens and the slightly-more-sane-guy-dragged along with them. When they had finally been escorted [four hours after they'd arrived] quickly out of the park, Seifer had headed straight to the resort. He couldn't remember ever feeling so exhausted before this.... let's call it...excursion. All the Alka Seltzer packets Seifer had foolishly towed along with him had disappeared into the bottomless depths of Selphie's stomach--or, at least, most had. One tablet remained.BR  
  
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*Well, can't be helped.* Seifer had thought. *Why don't I just take..one. ONE. My head is killing me..one can't hurt, right? Course it can't." He popped one into his mouth.BR  
  
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"Seifer?" Quistis poked her head out of *her* bedroom door. "Shower's free. I'm gonna go take a walk outsi--SEIFER?! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" She had mistaken the Alka Seltzer for poison. "Seifer!! I'm sorry I dragged you to the park with me! Just just..don't kill yourself over that, plea--SEIFER!!! I'm so sorry! I'll never do it again!" She zoomed over and shook his shoulders. "Cough that up, right now!!!" She pounded on Seifer's back. "COUGH *WHACK* THAT *WHACK* UP! *WHACK* THEY'RE *WHACK* GONNA THINK I MURDERED *wHACK WHACK WHACK* YOU!!!"BR  
  
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Seifer slumped off the sofa and slithered onto the ground.BR  
  
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"Ohmigosh, ohmigosh! He's dead, he's dead." Quistis hesitantly shook a limb belonging to Seifer. "Seifer..?"BR  
  
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Silence.BR  
  
"Don't die on me! Why did you do it?" She kneeled down, vision slowly starting to blur. "Please? I'm sorry, I'm sorry."BR  
  
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More silence.BR  
  
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"If you live, I promise I'll never take any kind of medicine again, not even herbal medicin--SEIFER?! ARE YOU FOAMING AT THE MOUTH?!" Quistis suddenly shrieked. "YOU'VE GOT RABIES AND YOU NEVER TOLD ME?!"BR  
  
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Seifer's hand slowly traveled to his forehead. He slowly sat up. "No, I don't have rabies." Seifer answered while massaging his back, though his mouth did seem to contain a foamy substance that we all owe to Alka Seltzer mixed with water, slowly dissolving.BR  
  
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Their conversation continued on this degree until Quistis finally got fed up and went outside to cool down. Seifer took this chance to get some peace and quiet so he could finally get his much-needed rest. 


End file.
